Sunday, May. 08, 2005 - 4:51 pm
+ take another little piece of my heart

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

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Friday, May. 06, 2005 - 11:05 pm
+ we all need to believe there is hope oh by the way. he grabbed my ass while i was walking away from him.

...

uncooth much?

omg i still feel horribly sick like i need to throw up...

..i'm more gay now than i was thirty six hours ago.

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Friday, May. 06, 2005 - 9:50 pm
+ never again this is a rathe rlong transcript... but it explains the... prediciment that i'm in...

i heart juu: mika.
mika the ninja: landa.
i heart juu: that was the most horrible experience of my life.
mika the ninja: m'writing lesbian pr0n.
mika the ninja: WHAT
i heart juu: i'm never dating a boy again.
mika the ninja: you did?
mika the ninja: what
i heart juu: because the thought of one kissing me amkes me want to throw up.
mika the ninja: what
mika the ninja: when did this happennnnnnn
mika the ninja: what happened~?
i heart juu: tonight i went on about 1/4 of a date with my friend's older brother.
i heart juu: who thought i was hot.
i heart juu: i went out to leavenworth, got him at the wal-mart by his house, went and got chimicnangas and slurpees at a gas station, went back for the movie...
i heart juu: he was, like, randomly poking me.
i heart juu: which i ahte.
i heart juu: we were standing in line at the movie, he held on to my bra strap and went to snap it when i glared at him and threatened to kick him in the nuts.
mika the ninja: hahaha
i heart juu: he went for a boob grab...
i heart juu: we were in the movie during the previews, and he kinda looked at me...
i heart juu: and me in my dumbness looked back.
i heart juu: and i swear he has a battering ram in his mouth.
i heart juu: i wanted to throw up.
mika the ninja: hahahahaha
i heart juu: right then and there.
i heart juu: and i could't struggle too much, there were people in there with us by this point.
i heart juu: *couldn't
mika the ninja: maybe he was trying to 'convert' you -_-;;
i heart juu: in my experience kissing girls... i'd have to say that i would rather slit my wrists before ever kissing a boy again.
i heart juu: johnny depp doesn't even appeal to me at this moment.
mika the ninja: WHAT
mika the ninja: DONT TALK TO ME
mika the ninja: OUR FRIENDSHIP IS HEREBY DISSOLVED
i heart juu: i made my phone buzz, then said i had to go to the bathroom and take a call.
mika the ninja: haha nice x)
i heart juu: made up a lie about ashley and her boyfriend having problems, and that she was headed to my house.
i heart juu: and guess what he did?
i heart juu: he pulled me in for more.
i heart juu: and then i pushed away and said i had to go, and left.
i heart juu: five minutes into that kung fu movie.
i heart juu: brb, someone's ehre.
mika the ninja: k
i heart juu: nm just a honker.
i heart juu: and he... drooled, i swear to goddess he did.
i heart juu: i'm wearing elsbe's shirt and i feel the need to wash it 39406703247t times before giving it back to her.
i heart juu: my stomach is still churning, i'm not gonna eat dinner.
mika the ninja: awww
i heart juu: i'm glad he'd only spent eight bucks on me at that point.
mika the ninja: was it really that bad?
i heart juu: i went through a marlboro menthol 72, two eclipse peppermint mints, a listeriene strip, and a 22 oz. black cherry smoothie... and that barely ellieviated it.
i heart juu: it's still there. it was just gone for a little bit.
mika the ninja: o.OO;;
i heart juu: and he somehow managed to lick around my mouth, so i was smelling it on my hour drive to elsbe's work.
mika the ninja: whaa
i heart juu: where i ran to the bathroom and washed my face.
i heart juu: it was disgusting.
mika the ninja: poor baby!
mika the ninja: i'm writing some gravitation yuri right now
mika the ninja: auntie mika's lesbian pron is gonna make you feel alll better
i heart juu: i was talking to selana the whole way back, and she agrees that he shoudl be brought to a firing range because no one should reach 22 kissing like that.
i heart juu: and i want to kill myself or something.
mika the ninja: okay, somewhat of a yuri, there's tohma involved, but he's mostly a girl anyways
mika the ninja: ahahahah
mika the ninja: battering ram
mika the ninja: jesus
mika the ninja: haha
i heart juu: i feel horrible, but that was... equally horrible. and i'm glad i left, but i feel bad but i fel sick but... gyah...
mika the ninja: hahah
i heart juu: ..auntie mika? you're younger than me, bastard.
mika the ninja: STFU WHORE >:o
mika the ninja: hahahah
mika the ninja: <3
mika the ninja: how do you spell fiancee?
mika the ninja: fiancee?
mika the ninja: accento?
mika the ninja: żo no accento?
mika the ninja: necesito ...to know!
i heart juu: blink.
i heart juu: either.
mika the ninja: oh okay ^_^
mika the ninja: sigh
mika the ninja: damn my fetish for gothic lolita clothes
mika the ninja: damn my corset liking
i heart juu: i'm more gay right now than i was about 25 hours ago.
mika the ninja: and damn you, uesugi/seguchi mika, for being hot
mika the ninja: HAHAHA
i heart juu: you realize this is my entry on the experience, right?
mika the ninja is away at 9:48:05 PM.
mika the ninja returned at 9:48:06 PM.
mika the ninja: fuck yeah!
mika the ninja: i'm an ENTRY!
i heart juu: lmfao. yes, that you are, mika.
i heart juu: that. you. are.
mika the ninja: uh huh
mika the ninja: let mika's sexual healing begin!
i heart juu: lmfao.
i heart juu: ::posts::
mika the ninja: *whips out the bdsm gear*
i heart juu: ::minus that line as elsbe's dad'll be reading it::
mika the ninja: AW MAN
mika the ninja: xD
i heart juu: well if you want it in that bad...
i heart juu: ::recopies, pastes, posts::

so i told him that ashley was headed to my house. great. he just called my cell phone... it didn't ring thorugh, i got the voicemail message from it. calling to see if we're okay... i'm thinking i'm just gonna ignore calls and such or something... i can't do this...

this is never happening again. ever.

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Friday, May. 06, 2005 - 9:06 am
+ that overpowering feeling that any second you may suddenly appear i'm doing something... different today. well, tonight, rather. and i prefer not to really say anything here until afterward... i was going to write an entry last night, but it was being organized at that time and i got a feeling that i would end up writing about it.

so, i guess i'll see all of you later tonight then. heart you all.

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Wednesday, May. 04, 2005 - 1:01 am
+ i'm still not over you [edit after posting] you know, i'm making this entry not private. because i need to talk to other people anyway... and i might as well say it to everyone. most of it. part of it is still an entry for you, and you know what it is.

so i'm talking to aaron right now... and you just talked with me about a lot of things i already knew... i knew i was doing it and i've ben consciously been keeping it back a lot more than you think... and i'm typing out the text messages i sent you, if nothing for my own future reference. and then these protected posts'll trail off a bit... because i dont' want to burden you. and i genuinely mean that, not just a bitch.

for what it's worth... i feel like the biggest shit in the world whenever i do that to you...felt bad all day because you couldn't really be alone... and... i'm trying as hard as i can right now. for you. and a good chunk of "my world" has fallen apart. i'm the most sorry right now that i've been my whole life. and i hope you'll forgive me... i don't want to be liek this... for you to have to go through things they way they are now... i try more every day.

being with you brings out the best and the worst in me. the best... i'm proud of, but no one else sees it. the worst... i'm trying harder than ever to get over, and is what most see. i regret it deeply... and i'm sorry it seem like i'm competing. i'm seriously uncomfortable with ANY couple... anyone would get this (not just you two). i'm fighting it more than ever. it's been just us so long, i have to learn to "share"... so if i offer to leave, that's what i mean.

i don't mean to have the attitude, i'm learning to restrain it more than i used to. it's been a problem all my life. and it's actually better now than before. i don't expect you to be my mom... i just want a sister. i'm sorry if i make it seem like you're some super hero, but you really are with all you deal with sometimes. i love you elsbe... i'll try to back away, and it'll take a bit of transition, not just overnight. let me adjust as you do...

i'm sorry if i've kept you up... i just wanted to respond while relatively toneless, lol. goodnight sweetie... sleep well, and see you at eight thirty.

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+ why does distance make us wise +