Auto response from rachel: do they
                    c     o   l  l  i de

i ask, and you-

i heart juu: apparantly my computer updated itself and decided to countdown and restart whilst iw as gone. which pisses me off 'cause i wanted to remember what all i'd said to you ::pouts::
i heart juu: i dunno. i guess i just kinda... feel comforted or something... that i can talk to you somehow/
i heart juu: ?
i heart juu: yes, i think i've hit pathetic already. that might be a plus for you ::grins::. hell, for both of us. but still.
i heart juu: yes. you were so totally on away for the night.

Auto response from rachel: do they
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i ask, and you-

i heart juu: it's five am in the morning. i think when julie finishes the round closest to five fifteen i'm turning in.
i heart juu: as dad get sup at fife thirty for work.
i heart juu: *five
i heart juu: i want you to knwo something though...
i heart juu: even though my typing ability left me at three am.
i heart juu: if you ever get online and i'm not here... you can so totally call me. i don't care what time it is or what i say i'll be doing that day... like right now, i'll hopefully be sleeping. but most times, that doesn't really work out for me at all. i could say that i'll be out... but that doens't always pan out either. i'll be out and driving alone and wanting to talk to someone, or i'll be waiting around on someone or something...
i heart juu: seriously. you can call me. whether it be my house phone, or the cell phone. hell, try both if you want. if i seethat you called, i'll call you back or email you. and i know that sounds pathetically clingy and such but... i'm tired, for one... and for two... i've missed you a lot. so yes, it is inherently pathetically clingy. because i think i've been looking for someone to cling to recently. you're the top candidate in taht category, aside form crawling in bed with elsbe or her crawling in bed with me recently.
i heart juu: and i wish so much that your trip hadn't been delayed, and if i had the money, i'd be there or you'd be ehre for a while.
i heart juu: i'm not accounting for typos at all right now, and i'm sorry. but at least i'm really saying the way that i feel for once instead of not sayingit at all.
i heart juu: the fact that i'm tired helps along with that. and i'm hoping that you get all of this.
i heart juu: i love you, rach. i'm thinking, moreso than i thoguht i did.
i heart juu: before i started this rambling at your away message a while ago.
i heart juu: i wanted you to know that.
i heart juu: so a tthis point... i think i'm saving the part of the ramble that i actually have... and it starts with the i hate microsoft comment.
i heart juu: i hope no one closes the convo window and that niles doens't spazz and restart... because i want you to see all that i said, even before squishy restarted on me.
i heart juu: i know it wasn't swuishy's fault. bill gates decided that he had to have control over the windows xp and update him... and he had to give in and kill everything that i'd said before. he was not but a mere pawn in gates' plan to take over the computing and technological world!!!
i heart juu: ..
i heart juu: ::cough sputter::
i heart juu: ::walks over to a sleeping rachel, moves any stray hairs that may be in her face, and kisses her cheek::
i heart juu: i think taht's the first time i've done something like that. hm.
i heart juu: ::gets up and goes to walk off to her own bed:: g'night, sweets. hope to see (online) or hear from you sometime tomorrow. erm... later today. i love you.

Auto response from rachel: do they
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i ask, and you-

+
Wednesday, Jul. 13, 2005 - 7:59 pm
+ knockin' on heavn's door to any and all connected to sumner academy in the least, especially to the graduating class of 2004:

this morning, stephanie hoyt, genevie gold, sharon wright, and rachel kannaday were on the turnpike outside of el dorado. stephanie was driving, and when she went to make a u-turn, an eighteen wheeler struck the car. from what i've heard on the news and from friends, stephanie was pronounced on the scene. the others are in a wichita hospital.

thus far, here is what i know on the other three:

genevie: currently in a coma.
rachel: broken back.
sharon: being fed through a feeding tube at this time, no other information.

i was never really close to any of these three women, but i do know that they were major names in my class, and that at least two of them graduated full ib. to date, that's two people who have died in sumner's class of '04, christopher martel this past december.

stephanie, rest in peace.

everyone else... i hope everything's alright, all things considered. god and goddess be with you.

+
Wednesday, Jul. 13, 2005 - 3:22 pm
+ your rain email that i just sent rachel, as that's easier than writing an update containing a lot of the same things right now:

i missed you. twice, no less. and this time i was home and such, i'd just walked away from the computer about two minutes before you logged on... sango made me sleepy, so we went and took a nap together on her mommy's bed... 'cause it's just so damn comfy, and she's at work and unable to yell at me for it. hehe. (side note: sango never touched the bed. slept next to it... though she jumped around on the shelves for a while because they were empty and crashed down onto it. elsbe has nothin' on me, muahaha. can't kill me!) with that, i think that i'm back up to normal ranges on my sleeping amounts, finally. though i might ask elsbe if i can sleep with her tonight... i slept the best i've slept in a while in there just now.

..i dreamt of you. i was driving while on the phone, and when i arrived where i was going, there you were. we hung up and hugged, even kissed, as if this were a normal occurance... and we walked in to wherever we were together, talking, as the rain started falling down.

::le sigh::

sango's laying right behind my computer screen, poking her head to the side of my laptop as if to say "and WHAT is more important than ME now? you broke our nap! bitch!" what's even sadder is the fact that you can brag to (or laugh with) all of your friends, because i'm a cyber cat lady already... evidence seen here: http://catster.com/?168520. there was a good reason behind it, but now it's just kinda fun. sango's made a lot of friends... everyone makes friends with her first, then asks about kiddy and storm.

kiddy, by the way, has disappeared. i'm getting a feeling that she won't be coming back. we had to dog-sit for gramma (which you know already), and none of us have seen her since then. i'm worried, but at the same time i know she's alright, no matter what may have happened to her. either someone else picked her up, she wandered off on her own, or she's finally through struggling and suffering. i catch myself looking for her, though i know she probably won't be back. i got my tears cried about a month or two ago when i first feared putting her down, so i don't think there'll be mroe tears, just... general sadness. i'll miss her... i'm tempted to ask to get another cat, to keep up our three cat-ness, and so storm and sango have someone else to attack -that way, one of them can sleep while two are playing, lol. i'm not sure that's a possibility at this point, especially as any cats that i have will have to come with me when i move. if i were to get one, i hope she'd be like a mix of sango and storm -calm and patient while still playful and affectionate.

i'd better go. gotta get back to dealing with elsbe's room, as it's still much more my room than hers. i truly hope that we can talk soon, whether it be online or by phone -and if you see me online and i don't respond, or if i'm away, call my cell phone or something. i'll gladly drop whatever i'm doing to talk with you, alright? and someone still owes me an email ::pokepoke:: so someone's not getting a question with this one =).

love you,
lan

+
Sunday, Jul. 10, 2005 - 6:06 pm
+ on my knees, beggin' please the best birthday present that anyone could get me...:

either that, or lemme use a credit card to do that one free offer for mine. i can find ways to pay you back, or you can have whatever it is for the free offer. this is me on my knees.

+
Sunday, Jul. 10, 2005 - 2:33 am
+ here i am omfg it's been since wednesday when i updated. how did i let that happen? it means that i need to work on my psychology tomorrow while elsbe's at work and everything, and that i need to continue working on my room... she'll have lived here a week in a day or two.

i've been talking to rachel more... on the phone, no less. i'm starting to love her again, and i feel just a little bit scared. only reason i can figure out why is because of the past, but i know that both of us have changed since we met -changed in the past few months. at this point i'm not sure if she feels anywhere near the same for me, and right now it doesn't really matter to me, in the least cold way possible. i've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and it's alright with me to like or love someone who doesn't or can't like or love me back. don't get me wrong, i've loved her the entire time... she's my friend, and i care about her. but it's starting to morph into more again. i think i like it.

i haven't spoken with ali since tuesday... we kinda talked for a minute today, but there wasn't much to say. and i feel horrible, but she seems more like someone that i could befriend rather than date. i haven't told her that yet, but i'm thinking that she might have come to that conclusion on her own -or at least i'm hoping that she has or will.

elsbe's moved in here more and more every day. it's turning more and more into her room rather than mine, and things are slowly creeping from the living room to her room. of course, with elsbe comes aaron... and i have to get used to that. i'll openly admit that it bothers me when he's here so late, mainly because i'm scared of what i'll hear from her room should i go to bed whether it be talking or something more. i guess it's gonna have to take some getting used to, which i hope elsbe will understand more sooner than later. both of us have some things to get used to... and both of us need to re-get to know each other and how we work, so as to have less conflict.

..to be honest, rachel and i talked about all of this. she sort of identifies with all of this as she ended up living with alex for a while. her "professional opinion" (=]) is that within about three months we should be fine... keeping in mind that she might (probably) be living here 'till she's out of school. well that's to say that i won't have a job and such so we can move out... but even so, we still will likely end up livin' together in some way/place or another.

and julie's on her way over for a donkey konga fest, so i need to cut this one off for now. hopefully i'll be able to write after getting elsbe to work tomorr-..um... today.

+

+ why does distance make us wise +