Monday, Aug. 22, 2005 - 9:01 pm
+ i'm addicted to you addiction
i kiss my cigarette and wish it were you
with that much longer to breathe you in,
that much longer to hold you again,
that much longer to learn to let go.
i wish it were you as my current addiction,
though i suppose you are if i'm writing,
but i wish it were something more, something different,
that i had known your touch to begin with,
those kisses that must be so sweet,
that warmth to hold close to me.
staring down at the nineteen that remain,
nineteen more times i can dream, i can wish,
i can pretend that it's you, and not a filter
that i am missing and reaching for.
+
Monday, Aug. 22, 2005 - 7:57 pm
+ lullaby and goodnight, go to sleep little baby i had a dream last night in which there was some agreement with a higher power that bought mom back a few times a year... an agreement that she had made, and that was starting that day. and i cried. i drove her around for a change to wherever she wanted to go, we talked, i took her to see dad at work, we came back here, and elsbe came over, and everything was... nice. and i cried.
and i woke up.
and i cried.
i was downloading ringtones a bit ago, and i came across the entirety of brahms lullaby. someone, i think either a grandmother or my dad, got me a little musical heart thing that played that song...i listened to it all the time when i was younger, and mom dealt with it, even though she greatly disliked that song.
when i found it and let it play, i remembered a time when i was in her room with her, laying down, and playing it over and over again. i was smiling and falling asleep while mom talked to me and was messing with my hair. i had to have been about six or seven at that point, as we were in this house and i was still about half her height.
and when i thought of that, i cried. a lot.
i'm not sure if i'm happy that i was alone at that moment, or if i wanted someone to have been there to hold on to while i cried...
+
Sunday, Aug. 21, 2005 - 10:40 pm
+ eat it i'd just like to say that elsbe's the sweetest little wanker on the face of the earth.
while i'm still sitting here in my zombie panic, she's been back in town since, like, six. and what did she bring back for me? what was it?
white castle. genuine white castle cheeseburgers. five of them. from iowa.
and while at this point i would have much prefered having an elsbe to cling to for part of the night before going to bed, this is still right up there. because i've missed white castle for years, and have had random cravings that have had to go unnoticed.
my sister's cooler than yours XP.
+
Sunday, Aug. 21, 2005 - 4:02 pm
+ thriller [addendum to previous] and instead of typing everything out again, i post convos. because i'm gonna be saying exaclty the same thing if i write it out. so there.
::shows selana convo from mika::
mika the ninja: zombieee
mika the ninja: NOW YOU KNOW<
mika the ninja: WHY I AM SO PARANOID ALL THE TIME O.O
iheartjuu: dude.
iheartjuu: all other scary things like ghosts and such? don't bother me. they can't hurt you.
iheartjuu: ZOMBIES CAN EAT OR BITE YOU
iheartjuu: AND IF THEY BITE YOU, YOU'RE ONE OF THEM, MAN!
Fae Ink: *laughs*
iheartjuu: o_o;;
iheartjuu: ::hides under a sheet with her harry potter book::
iheartjuu: ::and her elbe tiger::
iheartjuu: i forgot, there was a zombie wedding too? they'd found things for the zombies to do under controled circumstances after some zombie revolution that had happened before. i was around for the wedding, and something ahppened, and all the zombies in the world got out of control again and started biting absolutely everyone that was there, eating half of them.
Fae Ink: that's crazy
iheartjuu: a la shaun of the dead... minus the snapping back into the whole "IMMA EAT JUUUUUUU!" part, since they didn't really have that one.
iheartjuu: ::continues hiding under the sheet with harry potter and elbe::
Fae Ink: *chuckles*
iheartjuu: -_-
iheartjuu: THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER!
iheartjuu: DAETH IS UPON US!
iheartjuu: DAAAAEEEEETH!
iheartjuu: ::goes back into hiding::
Fae Ink: *pets you*
Fae Ink: there are no zombies
iheartjuu: o_o
iheartjuu: ._.
iheartjuu: yes there are, they ate the dog. he hasn't barked once since i got up!
iheartjuu: ::pulls sango under the sheet as well::
Fae Ink: oh
Fae Ink: poor babe
+
Sunday, Aug. 21, 2005 - 1:55 pm
+ in your head, zombie ok.so. i woke up about an hour and a half ago. and i'm currently still freaking the fuck out from the dream i had... still alone in the house aside from the cats... and eating some cheesey scrambled eggs which, in my mind, might be my last meal, right along with my black cherry ibc soda o___o;;.
i'm not sure what exactly it was taken from, but i had a zombie dream. dawn of the dead, resident evil, shaun of the dead... whatev. there were still massive amounts of attacky zombies. and everyone i was with got bitten, including elsbe. i called rachel and there was no answer. i freaked the hell out. apparantly we were all at kckcc or some dreamy variation of it, and sandra osburn got bitten in her office, and she was chasing after us. well, zombie chasing. at first i couldn't really tell and i went over to talk to her about my honours classes and schedule (?) then she lunged at me, and i ran. at this point elsbe was still okay, so we were running around trying to get away, looking outside to see if we could get to a car, all that fun stuff. ran to the deli, stole some food, shoved it in my bookbag, and we kept running. nowhere to go. locked ourselves in the bathroom that's under the music department, and one got in and got elsbe. and i kept her with me 'till the very end... then cried as i did what we've promised we'd do under those circumstances, and killed her right before she went all zombie.
::crying::
and then i woke up. and then i heard lots of banging noises outside, and sango was howling 'cause she's in heat, then she randomly stopped... and didn't start up again. storm was scratching at my door, and i grabbed my elbe tiger and curled up under my sheets freaking the hell out and texting elsbe, even though she's not in town, but she's the only one i know isn't busy/at work/moving into a dorm right now, as she's riding in a car back here.
being alone in this house is hell right now.
...
i need to work on my online class stuff... that i have yet to do... heh... i'll write more later... maybe i won't be as spazzy or freaked out or whatev...
::prepares to break glass soda bottle when finished if needed for protection::
+
+ why does distance make us wise +
