..this is what happens when i get bored online while i should be doing homework and nothing more.

+
Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2005 - 5:25 pm
+ come my way i want to talk to someone... not write in here. to someone who i can trust, someone who can be there for me, who can talk sometime in the next couple of days...

..and right now, it feels like i might not find that.

people keep telling me to make new friends, but i don't see the point. all last school year, my so called "friends" were talking about elsbe and i, only for me to hear about it on the last day of school -once it was too late to correct any of it. i don't feel the need to invest my feelings into anyone new at that college, because everyone there is a bunch of two-faced asses. high school asses, no less, because it really is an extension of high school to be there, just with older faces.

people as a whole are dumb and untrustworthy. i've found that very few are even worth my time at all, let alone worth my time enough to have long conversations with about life and the things within it.

...

i hate to rewrite that english paper. too creative writingy or something... something about "i can't make a seperate grading scale for the prodogy of the class." thing is, if i don't rewrite it, i get a C, because i didn't follow the basic "guidelines" that he gave us.

..dude, i call them rules if you get downgraded for not following them. but whatever.

so now, i have to completely change my writing style for that class, because it's apparantly too far above what is expected. stylistically, i get a C for the paper i turned in. i have until next friday to rewrite. and i'm going to write about something else... and write in the style of a nineth grader.

that annoys the piss out of me, because i could have probably easily tested out of that class or something... if given something other than grammar on the test to do so. but i have to sit through a class where i'm being very obviously held back in...

..oh, i nearly forgot. this is an honours class. you know, a place where there's supposed to be more expected of people in it.

+
Monday, Sept. 12, 2005 - 11:40 am
+ is there life after love i need passion and romance. right now. and i know i'm not gonna get it. i give out the romance entirely too well.

i miss being wanted... feeling that way as well. even among everything that was happening a year ago, i was happy. some of you know why, some of you don't. and it'll stay that way, at least a bit longer.

i'm waiting to feel the same things with someone else... i feel most of the same things *for* rachel, but she's not around nearly as often as she once was. i miss her, wish i could be near somehow, wish we could talk. i love her.

the other night i had a breakdown before going to sleep. i realized that one will always be the proverbial one who got away, and though i'm generally fine with this fact, it just attacked me for about ten minutes before i fell asleep.

..and it made me miss rachel more.

trying to figure out how that works... but i'm not truly questioning it, because i like those results more than pining for the other, which will forever and for always be a "no" from now on.

i want affection. i think i'll cling to my elbe tiger when i get home or something... though at this point, that won't be for at least another two and a half to three hours.

+
Sunday, Sept. 11, 2005 - 11:22 pm
+ beautiful disaster i miss rachel.

+
Wednesday, Sept. 07, 2005 - 2:25 pm
+ lovin' you has made me this way i just failed two of the three tests i took for my computer applications class... a lot of it because i feel rushed to have gotten done. why, you might ask?

. . .

well, i'm currently on campus at umkc. that's how i'm online. there isn't really any other way for me to BE online, because the network router isn't working too well, and the modem won't work. apparantly my ip address is now fucked. which isn't helping my situation all too much, if at all.

this has been the longest last few days of my life...

oh, and i'm on squishy. this one got here before the dell. pisses me off. this is going to elsbe as soon as that damned dell gets to me... should have been there already.

the real kicker on the dell?

. . .

it was manufactured in lenexa.

. . .

that's like twenty minutes from my house.

. . .

i'm eventually gonna be paying dad back for that laptop, and when i do, i'll be paying a redundant eighty dollars because of the not-so overnight service that i ordered for it.

. . . . . .

i'm livid.

+

+ why does distance make us wise +