Monday, Sept. 19, 2005 - 10:42 pm i'm good when i need to be:
+ what's the worst i can say
i heart juu: basically, in life, you're gonna have people who understand you, albeit it'll likely be few... and you're gonna have people who you *think* understand you and really don't.
i heart juu: know that i understand you, in a few senses, at least.
i heart juu: but... i dunno. you just end up crying entirely too much for entirely too long over things that mean entirely too little to actually be worrying about in the long run. but in the present, it's everything to you. and there isn't much that can be done about it, but dealing with it the best way you know how.
i heart juu: in general. not just you.
oh noes melon: *nodnod*
i heart juu: there really sin't much that can be done about it, no matter how much it hurts. basically you can just watch it play out and see where you can fit yourself back in.
oh noes melon: I guess so..
i heart juu: there's the option of trying to make everythign work... but that only works for so long and runs you thin after less time than you think.
i heart juu: and yanno, i know that you're there... and you know i'm here. and if nothing, that's a start in all of this. i dunno about anyone else right now 'cause i don't lj on a regular basis at all, nor am i a part of your "real life" life on a regular basis, but at least you know that there's at least one there for you. for real.
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Saturday, Sept. 17, 2005 - 5:48 pm
+ why don't you and i get together random thought-provoking thing of the day:
it's my belief that guys and girls can't really be friends unless one or both is gay. i mean really, in the end, they either end up together, realizing once it's too late that they should have been together, snogging at some point or another, or one of the two of them having hurt feelings because the other doesn't feel the same way for them (or at least, they dont' know that it's so). and even if they are indeed friends, once one of the two gets a boyfriend/girlfriend, there's generally a severe amount of backing off because said significant other is either jealous or paranoid... especially if they end up getting married, leaving the original friend out in the wind.
i can't really think of a case when this hasn't been so. my friends end up hooking up with their opposite sexed friends at some point or another, or dating sometime, which only proves my point further.
what's your take on it?
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Saturday, Sept. 17, 2005 - 3:09 pm
+ here i am, once again yes, the layout just changed. because this fits everything better right now than t.A.t.U. does. maybe i'll go back sometime... but not right now, as much as i like the previous layout even more than this one. it just... looked a lot cleaner and such. there was more colour, though it was shaded for a certaqin style. but, i'm in a red and black phase lately... and this fits it rather well, as there's only really one "shade of black".
give me feedback. now.
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Friday, Sept. 16, 2005 - 7:45 pm
+ thirty minutes of bliss, thirty lies i'm not talking to anyone anymore. not about the things that i hoped i could talk about today/tonight. because no one truly has the time to listen anymore, at least not anyone that i actually trust, so there's no point in saying it at all... i can't trust most people because of the type of shit that happened last year at kckcc, so i'm just not gonna talk to anyone about anything of any importance.
i wasn't always this way, you know. i didn't always want to tell someone what i was thinking, what i was feeling. that's what writing was for... and stewing... because i didn't want to burden anyone else with my own problems and thoughts and things. and right now, regressing to that appears to be the best option all around... so i guess that's just what i'm gonna have to do.
at this point, i'm not sure that this will stay a public diary anymore. it might be totally privatized with no passwords for anyone, it might just be privitized for my own records of my thoughts and problems... i may move again... i may keep this for a few public things and get another journal for private thoughts...
it hurts too much, exposing myself to other people the way that i have been. because i can be shot down and hurt so easily. even if it's someone that i think i can run to...
what hurts so much more is the fact that, no matter what, i would have found a way to make time for these people the moment they said something like i need to talk to someone... but no one did that for me. at least, no one did it for me before it was too late to do so.
i'm not gonna trust anymore. because i'm tired of picking up the pieces of my shattered heart and pride and trying to put them back together again.there's no point. i'll regress to the heartless shell of a person that i once was in public, and deal with everything alone, the way that i used to do.
..until i can find someone to break the cycle again. and i'm not sure that will happen any time soon, or that it will be who i hope it to be.
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Friday, Sept. 16, 2005 - 11:21 am
+ we were young and wild and free posting made early this morning to the lc:
it's going on three in the mornin' here in kansas... and i've gotta be up in five hours. got a five hour nap earlier out of a pure... i don't know what it is. a need to escape the world? things have been kinda bad lately, in the world in general, and in the live of the nocturne. it's been hard to sleep at night, thus when there isn't anything to do during the day, guess what i'm doing?
have you ever really wanted to just talk to someone who you know you can trust about any and everything, and felt like that would make everything better? that's where i am right now, but no one that i know for sure that i can trust has time for it at this point, what with school or kids or work or homework or small amounts of time that they get to spend with their significant others.
i think i'm in a rut... a relatively yearly rut. someone once said that i'm bipolar, and i think it went in my medical records, but i'm not sure. so much for help, the heath system kicked me out and said i was normal. whatev. guess i'll just have to sleep it off again...
g'night to any fellow late nighters out there right now... and g'mornin' to all of the early risers. hope everyone has a nice night/nice day.
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+ why does distance make us wise +
