Tuesday, Sept. 27, 2005 - 11:16 pm
+ we had our day elsbe and i got our day today! heheheeeee.
we went to the zoo and saw the tiger and birds and orangutans and sea lions and tree kangaroos and stuff. i took the map and drew out the course we went on today, and we actually saw a lot. and we didn't fight today at all! and we went to the mall 'cause we were close to it and had time to kill and i got a book and she promised me cosmic golf for on thursday between school and work for her, and and and we got ice cream at baskin robbins 'cause it's $1 tuesday for ice cream scoops and stuff.
..and i went through most of the entire day talking like a four year old.
we got back here and she needed to work on homework and practice for voice and such. she's got such a beautiful voice... whether or not she chooses to realize it. her voice teacher's right, it's really quite mature for her age and she does have a bit of a range for a twenty year old. i still almost wanna cry sometimes when i hear her sing certain songs and certain notes...
..and i wish that she could show others what she shows me when we're together. she's such a charismatic person and has so much of a dynamic personality that's more inherent than anything... i wish so much that it could be taught so i could have something of a stage personality.
i don't care what anyone says. i still wanna be like elsbe when i grow up. because my big sister's better an anyone else's.
+ i kissed you last night. ..though it felt like it was the most real thing i've felt in months...
i see you every day, .a.n.d... i .d.u.n.n.o.
i guess all i can do for you now is leave you this message and so, tell me you still think about me.. . . . . . .
+ apparantly i need to just give up completely... i heart juu: ..there or no? Auto response from johnny goodbye: i heart juu: ok, look. i'm here when you get back... if you get back this time. we need to talk. really, we do. Auto response from johnny goodbye: i heart juu: yeah, um. that seemed rather soon between away messages... shouldn't have come up again... basically, i tried to do everything she'd said she had hoped for from me. i got over someone else completely; i ended up falling for her completely. and i guess that wasn't the right thing to do after all... because i'm still sitting here alone, writing my papers for tomorrow, receiving a reaming from another friend because of the fact that i really do think i'm going to be alone in the long run. is there life after love?
+ i guess this is just my depressive time of year. there really isn't much i can do for it aside from wait it out, nope that i don't lose any friends along the way, and ultimately hope for the best. i've been crying a lot more than i'd like to tell anyone, and i don't like that. it's relatively little things, especially in the way of elsbe and aaron around me, and most times it goes unnoticed, like when i'm driving or something... last night i had a dream in which i kissed someone, and i swear i actually felt it... i wish i could. elsbe and i have been planning on going to the zoo and to vintage records on tuesday... that probably can't happen. dad doesn't have the money to give me, and she doesn't honestly have the money to spend on herself and to pay me for the guitar in order for me to go. when this was decided/figured out, i wanted to cry so badly... because i really wanted to spend the day having fun out of the house once she was out of school. as it looks, it'll be a day of catching up on inuyasha and movies... which isn't altogether bad, just... not what i'd been looking forward to doing. to gwenhwyfar... i'm not sure who you are, though i'd love to know. ... i'm not sure what to say here right now. i want to write, but i don't know what. i guess i'll take that mood out on the two papers i need to knock out right now.
+ i know the difference between "what i do" and what needs to be done for an essay for most of my classes... i just thoguht that i could do that for that one paper because i thought that fit the subject better than coldly talking about what happened and everything. i'm not stupid enough to write a big, long creative-y thingy for a history class or a social studies class and all that crap. from what i heard, i'm just gonna have to totally step it down and write... coldy. the way that i hate. because that's what everyone wants, and because there's a "time and place" for creativity, and an english class isn't it at all. ... anyone else see my issue with this? anyone? "you'd be great for a creative writing class, but this sin't the place for it." i hate kckcc.
+
+ why does distance make us wise +
Monday, Sept. 26, 2005 - 12:43 am
+ leave a message and i'll call you back
i bet you didn't even know that.
'course i'm sure you wouldn't,
because i woke up right after it.
even though i haven't seen you in days...
weeks, months, even.
let you know that i still think about you.
Sunday, Sept. 25, 2005 - 6:40 pm
+ some things aren't certain, but some thing i'm sure of
johnny goodbye is away at 6:01:55 PM.
i heart juu: well then... ::works on papers::
estropierpraxis: wow!
estropierpraxis: i thought you'd never catch on!
johnny goodbye: you thought right!
estropierpraxis: wow!
estropierpraxis: i thought you'd never catch on!
johnny goodbye: you thought right!
i heart juu: whatev. i'm working on a couple of papers due tomorrow... shouldn't take too much effort at all. one's mostly written already from an in class paper last week, and the other's an easy subject. talk to me when you get back, alright? if not, i'll just leave you alone from now on 'till you talk to me...
i heart juu: love you, for what it's worth. ::gets back to work::
johnny goodbye returned at 6:10:35 PM.
johnny goodbye signed off at 6:10:38 PM.
Sunday, Sept. 25, 2005 - 5:43 pm
+ there's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain i haven't updated in a few days... yeah... haven't had too much to say, really. been musing to myself a lot lately, waiting for someone to tell and realising that it wasn't gonna happen for a while.
Wednesday, Sept. 21, 2005 - 10:32 am
+ all that she wants so basically i get talked to by the teacher like i don't know that "my style of writing" has its place somewhere, and college generally isn't it. he was saying how if i wrote the way i generally do for, say, a history class, it won't really go too well. as if i'm too dumb to know that. ugh.
