faint://linkin park

i am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
handful of complaints but i can't help the fact
that everybody can see these scars
i am what i want you to want, what i want you to feel
but it's like no matter what i do, i can't convince you
to just believe this is real
so i, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
face away and pretend that i'm not
but i'll be here cause you're all that i've got

i can't feel the way i did before
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored
time won't heal this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored

i am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
'cause you don't understand i do what i can
sometimes i don't make sense
i am, what you never wanna say, but i've never had a doubt
it's like no matter what i do i can't convince you for once just to hear me out
so i, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
you face away and pretend that i'm not
but i'll be here cause you're all that i've got

i can't feel the way i did before
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored
time won't heal this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored

hear me out now
you're gonna listen to me like it or not
right now, hear me out now
you're gonna listen to me like it or not
right now

i can't feel the way i did before
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored 

i can't feel the way i did before
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored
time won't heal this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored
i can't feel
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored
time won't tell
don't turn your back on me i won't be ignored

+
Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005 - 4:42 pm
+ broken when i'm lonesome yanno, i'm thinking that i'm gonna have a thing against being on my own for quite some time now... because elsbe wanted to take a nap, aaron with her naturally, and i was attached to her legs as though my life depended upon it. she pried herself free and got to her room, and i just started bawling. sango came over and sat on my knee, but storm ran by, so she ran after him. thus leaving me alone.

elsbe's response? call kris.

...

yeah, so, first reaction out of anyone i've told online is laughter. ashley's away, kristen's nowhere to be seen so i don't want to call her in the middle of a study session or at work or something for this... murr...

i did sleep last night, just after a lot of staying awake and keeping my eyes on games online. then i woke up alone and spazzed a bit again... waited a while before getting up... had to get my bearings...

we watched the last of it earlier, then watched the astronaut's wife... and for some reason, those damn movies are getting to me when they usually wouldn't at all...

i'm a wreck. and i'm not sure how to fix it.

quite glad that i'm on fall break this week. just wish my friends were too.

shopping tomorrow. nice... away from here... didn't end up going on friday, so we're going tomorrow... hanging out tomorrow... very good... not stuck here alone...

i'm broken. someone fix me.

+
Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005 - 3:03 am
+ is there anybody out there so... elsbe, aaron and i decided that we were gonna watch the 2003 version of texas chainsaw masacre tonight... we made it thorugh most of it before elsbe started bawling hysterically and ran to throw up, and i inwardly spazzed out until she was in bed with him... leaving me alone with my elbe tiger. i tried going to bed but every time i close my eyes, i hear things and i see things and... i have to open them again or i'll scream or start crying...

this is the first time i've said this since she died and truly meant it, but i want my mom...

..if anyone's up for talking on msn or aim or something, my email's immortal.nocturne[at]hotmail[dot]com, aim's iheartjuu... i'm probably not sleeping tonight, so i'll be around... need to stay active on here... and keep my music on...

::spazz!twitch, clings to elbe tiger::

+
Saturday, Oct. 22, 2005 - 2:58 pm
+ nobody wants to be lonely this was me last night:

thus, she goes to bed alone after an eighth of a bottle of 151 mixed with coke, having seen one of those movies that leaves you feeling more alone than ever with the couple "most likely to make it" sitting not too far away the entire time. and as she holds her blanket and stuffed companion close to her, so tightly that they cannot be taken away by any forces imaginable, she thinks to herself,

when will this be another, one to end this insufferable and incurable longing that too often leaves me here feeling as though a part of myself is missing... has never been there? when will i be able to lay down at night with her in my arms?

as she turns off the light and rolls over to face that night alone, one solitary tear rolls down her cheek in longing for her unknown love, as she falls into the throwes of a semi-intoxicated, yet lonesome slumber.

and it's continued into today.

...

that generally doesn't happen, and i have no idea how to fix it.

+

+ why does distance make us wise +