not perfect... but my best ever. heheheheheeeeeeee!

...

it's nearly five. and i just noticed. i'd planned on being in bed at three thirty...

..and i have to be up at eight thirty.

oh shit.

+
Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 - 10:13 pm
+ music of the night i really truly hate catch phrase. i want whoever made it to fall off of a cliff or something.

so elsbe said for me to come over and play games as long as i wasn't going to be negative or piss off her mom... so she's felt the need to be quite sarcastic and negative towards me. she's really effing testing me... and i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do about it, 'cause i went to leave and then she got mad that i was leaving, so i stayed.

i feel like a puppy that's not quite paper trained yet.

thank god for mp3 players. my zen touch is my bestest friend ever. and aim express, since heinzi doesn't want aim installed on this computer.

know what else pisses me off? i had most of an icon made, christine from phantom of the opera. as soon as i went to paste the last thing onto it, paint shop pro had a problem and i lost everything. damn corel.

they had said they were only playing one more game of it, and i believe they might have just started another one. hm.

not meaning to be a total downer lately, but that's just what happens to be happening most times. so there.

+
Saturday, Jan. 07, 2006 - 7:18 am
+ my paper heart will bleed i've found that i'm at my best at night... and early morning when i haven't been to sleep at night. alas, i must sleep eventually, and then all of the lack of self-esteem and bipolarity and such returns again.

why is it that i'm only ever alright with myself late at night -or early in the morning, in this case- when i'm alone? maybe it's because i return to my true form... sitting here listening to music while updating profiles and thinking about making layouts, trying to figure out what needs to be done the following day (afternoon), looking at a bit of html and squeeing innside, seeing an image and knowing exactly what to do with it... coming up with the beginnings or middles of various short stories that sadly remain unwritten.

i want this to be able to spead into every part of me all of the time, but it only flows freely late at night. i will never be able to understand why this is so...

..though i know that right now, i'm not really wanting sleep. if i sleep, i'll lose this again. however, my eyes are starting to get hard to keep open, and i know that i need at least a couple of hours of sleep before attempting to drive later on.

good morning everyone...
..goodnight true self.

+
Saturday, Jan. 07, 2006 - 12:40 am
+ life's a game yeah, so game night hasn't gone as well as i'd hoped... every singe game of catch phrase we played, whatever team i was on lost. keep in mind these are two player teams. and i lost both games of scattergories...

sucks feeling dumb all the time with thinking games. when elsbe and i were on a team in catch phrase, she said i was a sad person 'cause i didn't know about something or other... that's really what started it, though it's not really her fault per se. i've always hated these kinds of games because there's always one person who gets left out in it and feels stupid... and i guess it's me in this particular setting.

i've only gotten dumber since high school. didn't learn anything in college, and haven't been in school since november.

..i'm in a crappy mood, and i don't think that the game night started it. i dunno. sigh.

+
Friday, Jan. 06, 2006 - 3:26 am
+ the last song

i heart all-american rejects.

this may be the last thing that i write for long
can you hear me smiling when i sing this song?
for you and only you

as i leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
as i leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
my foot is out the door and you can't stop me now

you wanted the best
it wasn't me
will you give it back?
now i'll take the lead
when there's no more room to make it grow
i'll see you again
you'll pretend you're naive
is this what you want?
is this what you need?
how you end up? let me know

as i go remember all the simple things you know
my mind is just a crutch and i still hope
that you will miss me when i'm gone
this is the last song

the hearts start breaking as the year is gone
the dream's beginning and the time rolls on
it seems so surreal
and now i sing it
somehow i knew that it would be this way
somehow i knew that it would slowly fade
now i am gone
just try and stop me now

you wanted the best
it wasn't me
will you give it back?
now i'll take the lead
when there's no more room to make it grow
i'll see you again
you'll pretend you're naive
is this what you want?
is this what you need?
how you end up? let me know

as i go remember all the simple things you know
my mind is just a crutch and i still hope
that you will miss me when i'm gone
this is the last song

will you need me now
you'll find a way somehow
you wanted to
i want it too

as i go remember all the simple things you know
my mind is just a crutch and i still hope
that you will miss me when i'm gone
this is the last song

as i go remember all the simple things you know
my mind is just a crutch and i still hope
that you will miss me when i'm gone
this is the last song

+

+ why does distance make us wise +