Saturday, Jan. 28, 2006 - 1:07 am
+ but you don't want to sing along my friends are frusterating me, and they have no idea about it.
typically if you yell fuck you at someone, there's a bit of tension there, regardless of what is said later on.
generally when someone always wants what's best for others, they should want it for themselves too.
growl.
...
i woke up today, and i *swear * i heard my uterus area go "FeEeEeEeEeEeEeD MEEEEE!", so that likely has something to do with the attitude and the anger and tension that's happening with me right now... but man, these people are driving me nuts, and they've no idea about it.
her mom's got her busy tomorrow night. that makes me sad inside, 'cause she'd said she could probably have stayed over.
i have a zit that is eating my upper lip, and it hurts like hell.
...
i am le tired.
and jo just called me. i'm done.
edit, 1:39am: damn me and my sense of rightness. i just had the opportunity to go to jo's house overnight free and clear, but i didn't because not only will the messing with the alarm and the front door wake dad up (as if the phone call didn't, but he'll probably wait up subconsciously if he doesn't know why i'm leaving), but i told elsbe to take me with her tomorrow morning...
i think i'm gonna say yes the next time the opportunity arises, since she seems to be as much of a night person as i am. because it'd be nice to fall asleep with someone every now and then.
..a normal nineteen year old would have gone though, right? i'm not wrong for wanting to have gone, am i?
....and now i'm off to fall asleep with my tiger. here's hoping for hanging out with her sometime tomorrow at some point or another ::crosses fingers::
+
Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006 - 1:53 am
+ i'd forgotten how to smile before your candle burned my skin cocacola is a pretty good source of caffiene. julie's working on a paper that's due at eight in the morning, and i'm staying awake with her as she is indeed writing it here. not as though it's that big of a deal, i don't really have anywhere to be. may end up going to school with elsbe to hang out with kristen, but i can always get in a nap during the day... hoping to catch jo sometime and maybe see if we can make some plans for sometime soon. wo0tness.
i wish that i had gotten to see rent. i love the soundtrack, but i haven't seen it. luckily, julie loves it more than me and it keeps her awake and working on her paper a bit, thus it is on right now.
guess what i did today. go on, guess.
...
i figured out how to take my laptop apart and put a new keyboard on.
..that's a lot for me, goddammit. and i didn't stab or electrocute myself. though i'm depressed at the fact that i have to send the tools back with the old keyboard.
elsbe and i went to mountain music today to get a guitar book for her applied lessons, and i fell in love with a dark blue bass. it's only seventy five dollars, so i'm gonna try to save back some of what dad gives me every time he gives me money until i can afford it... which i don't think will be entirely too long.
i miss ashley. i texted her something including the words "i asked someone out and she said yes"... and she hasn't said anything yet. that was yesterday sometime... hell, it was twelve thirty in the morning yesterday. usually she would have pounced upon that like a rabid racoon or squirrel thing onto a fresh hunk of meat, but i in fact haven't heard a word from her yet. i remember hours on the phone talking about everything, and sometimes not talking at all for spans of time... but it was a comfortable silence, yanno?
..i didn't even have a definite christmas present for her this year... i was just gonna burn some cds for her and hope for the best. and that makes me sad inside.
sigh.
i guess this is growing up and apart then, eh?
watch as landa gets emo and nostalgic without saying a word as to letting julie know since she is indeed distracted enough as it is.
have you ever gotten to the point where you don't really pay attention to what you're actually doing and you're just kinda staring into space, maybe with your head in your hand, maybe with a finger randomly in or near your mouth subconsciously due to a lack of things to suck on (cigarettes for some, chewing gum or something for others), and just... existing whlie waves of memories wash over you, flooding your mind and body to the extent of feeling as though you can't really move, yet you *know* you can...?
yeah. i'm so totally there.
i want to write something. not an entry something, a creative something. i'm not sure what, because my mind won't go beyond her hand reaching for the doorknob and slowly pulling the door open. if only i could figure out what this ubiquitous she found there or stepped out into.
i think it's best i say goodnight.
+
Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2006 - 1:58 am
+ all about us 4 things. if i tag you, you do it. if i don't tag you and you wanna do it anyway... go for it. if you run out of things to say, start putting in things like "your mom" or something else entertaining.
4 Jobs you have had in your life, In chronological order
1. stocker at billy's fireworks
2. papa john's delivery driver (for all of one unpaid day)
3. college student
4. unemployed former college student
4 Movies you could watch over and over
1. empire records
2. inuyasha movies
3. too many movies
4. for me to list
4 Places you have lived
1. kansas city, kansas -near westport
2. kansas city, kansas -near 18th street
3. yo' momma's house
4. my room. dur.
4 TV Shows you love to watch
1. inuyasha
2. fumoffu
3. azumanga daioh
4. various forms of law and order/csi, among many other things my dad watches
4 Places you have been on Vacation
1. branson, choir junior year
2. st. loius, choir senior year
3. wichita, choir frosh year of college
4. chicago, choir frosh year of college
4 Websites you visit daily
1. diaryland.com
2. xanga.com
3. myspace.com
4. livejournal.com
[everywhere that this is posted...]
4 of your favorite foods
1. pad thai from thai paradise/thai orchid/home made with elsbe
2. chinese food from chinese buffet/hy-vee
3. the food julie made for dinner tonight ^^
4. green bean casserole!
4 Places you would rather be right now
1. in bed asleep, but i'm nuts
2. hanging out with elsbe and julie -which has been standard lately
3. if it were daytime, over at jo's =)
4. anywhere but here when everyone's gone...
4 Bloggers you are tagging
1. vodka -diaryland
2. malika -lj
3. elsmerelda -xanga
4. fuzzyninja -lj
+
Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2006 - 4:55 pm
+ that's my story i totally have a girlfriend.
that is all.
+
Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2006 - 12:24 am
+ goodnight i just asked everyone if something that i did was pretentious or something of the like... and all but one said that i should go ahead. everyone was encouraging me and hoping the best and cheering me on...
..after i do so, one of the people that matter the most said that i shouldn't have done it.
and now i'm all deflated-like, and i'm not sure what to do aside from wait it out and hope for the best... because now i don't feel nearly as confident as i did before.
le sigh.
for tonight, i think i'm just gonna finish watching this movie, and go to bed...
+
+ why does distance make us wise +
