Sunday, Feb. 19, 2006 - 11:34 am
+ seems rather final then, right? ..it's strange. i kept fighting to have a weekend night to myself, and i'm working on my second of this weekend... and it feels unnatural. she'd been here for a good part of the day and left sometime between nine thirty and ten. i'm hoping that i can continue trying to help her feel better again tomorrow, including more ice cream and movies, and the possibility of getting wasted. she's so much stronger than i am for walking away... ..and shall prove to be even stronger by staying gone, which appears to be what is happening as we speak.
+ how did we get here? it saddens me that this particular sequence was omitted from the final release of the movie. this, among all of the other things that explain some things along the way... ..but this in particular, because i understand.
+ i bet none of you knew that i wanted to be a figure skater when i was little. (and no, i'm not saying this because jen had mentioned it in her entry ^_^;; ). oh yeah. i was constantly on my roller blades going through the house when i was little. trying to do little jumps and spins and such. ..and then i realized that i was on roller blades, that i'd never ice skated in my life, and that i was entirely too fat for something like that. so, i dealt with it, and was happy in knowing that i was -at that time- the fastest skater in my elementary school, even with my size. i was at every single school skating party and a few times in between with my aunts and cousin, which comes up to at least twice a month -there wasn't enough money for me to go too many more times. now, my ankles have gotten so weak, i doubt i could do it anymore. i'm so cautious and scared of falling whenever i actually have time to put on a pair of skates, i don't let go and just skate the way that i used to. that's another reason why i'm playing ddr again and why i'm getting a bit more conscious of myself... because i want to go skating again, and build myself back up. my legs used to be the strongest part of me, until i had a major wipe out on my bicycle -which i also jumped off of things, and was *very* fast with. i wish i could be about ten again, and force myself to keep skating and biking after i messed up my knee so i could build it back up again after that bike wreck. as it is, it's three thirty in the morning, and i need to be up around eight to help elsbe study. i think i'll go take a nap, now that the men's figure skating is over -and i know that buttle got the bronze. man, he's gonna pwner in 2010.
+ ..and was told meanly that my score on their pre-employment survey was too low and that they couldn't offer me a job. this is after i butcher my answers to be better than they would have been had i been truthful. that makes me angry, because a behind the scenes, at night stocker has to still be happy and perky and preppy, apparently. the girl before me starts tomorrow, and she was the average johnson county prep. there's an interview for a shipping/stocking/receiving place on tuesday at nine thirty in the morning... i'm hoping i get that one. the shift is from nine am to one pm, and that's effing awesome, because that's when my friends are busy anyway, and i'll still have time to have a life. god, i hope i get that job... because i truly need it. i'm working out now, kinda. at least forty five minutes or so of ddr a day -when possible- and one hundered crunshes a night... maybe a few off of the wall girl pushups, generally fifty or less 'cause i do the crunches first and the arms are a little sore by then. i don't really feel any different at all, though i'm still not sleeping well which might be a large part of it. when does it start helping? i'm tired. i think i'm finishing this dr. phil with dad since he started it already, and watching grey's anatomy from tonight since it was the second part of last week (which was the first one of them i've ever seen), then going the hell to bed. so tired, not sure why.
+
+ why does distance make us wise +
+ here goes i think you have too much faith in my strength..and not enough promise in my weaknesses...
Posted 2/19/2006 at 10:20 AM by elsmerelda
i guess i spoke too soon.
...
i woke up this morning to hearing that she went to his house at midnight... oh no, they're no longer broken up, but not quite together... and she admits it's a mistake...
why would one admittedly make a mistake?
i have faith in your strength because you won't when it comes to some things. i try not to have promise in your weaknesses because you *are* my best friend, and i keep hoping that i can help save you from them for some reason or another...
..i don't know what else i can say right now, because she's already pissed at me, and i hate that... and i wish she would talk to me...
looks like my super hero's human after all.
Saturday, Feb. 18, 2006 - 11:12 pm
+ i say a little prayer for you so... they're not together anymore. and this time, it's seeming certain. from what i heard, he did it. from what i heard before that, he said he would never be the one to go through with it.
Friday, Feb. 17, 2006 - 10:11 am
+ will it mean that it's the end, and i'm alone?
how the hell...
pan left - close on the steeple of the church
how did i get here?
how the hell...
christmas, christmas eve - last year
how could a night so frozen
be so scalding hot?
how can a morning this mild
be so raw?
why are entire years strewn
on the cutting room floor of memory
when single frames from one magic night
forever flicker in close-up
on the 3-d imax of my mind
that's poetic, that's pathetic
why did mimi knock on roger's door
and collins choose that phone booth
back where angel set up his drums?
why did maureen's equipment break down?
why am i the witness?
and when i capture it on film
will it mean that it's the end
and i'm alone?
halloween // rent soundtrack
Friday, Feb. 17, 2006 - 3:20 am
+ what i should have been jeffery buttle is my favourite male figure skater. he's so graceful. damn the technical scores, because he's so artsy when he skates. plushinko may be the best technically, but you can't see any emotion from him... buttle is emotionally into it, and i wish i could be like that in my day to day life.
Thursday, Feb. 16, 2006 - 11:12 pm
+ freezing down to my bones landed a job interview for kmart for today...
aside from all that... nothing else is really going on. i've had a horrible week, and i've cried more than i'd like to admit, and i'm quite lonely more often than i should be... i'm hoping it's pms or something, because i really don't like being this way, and it feels as though it's uncontrollable.
