Friday, Apr. 07, 2006 - 11:13 am
+ so why don't you kill me
so, i fucking hate umkc right now. i had to restart my computer after an installation from microsoft or something, and when i did, my bittorrent was running for about thirty seconds before i got it turned off. bear in mind, it's been on my computer for a good four months now, laying dormant while at umkc. for that thirty seconds, my computer has been permanently anned until i can go somewhere or other and sign some stupid goddamn agreement that i won't use filesharing programs.

you're telling me that they system doesn't just sutomatically block them and then block the computer that they're installed on?! jesusgod, they do everything else BUT that!

i don't know where i'm supposed to go, and i was logged in as elsbe at the time, so i'm not sure if i have to sign it or if she does or what, and i just don't want to fucking deal with it. i don't think i'll be coming up here with elsbe anymore unless she has some free time to figure that out with me at some point in the next week or so, which i don't see happening. as it is, i had to come over to the university center to get directions to supercuts from here so me and elsbe can get our haircuts when she's out of choir.
(i forgot to mention that. supercuts' educational place is in raytown and they do free haircuts once a month. i NEED it like whoa, and elsbe may just get a trim. my hair's too goddamn long, and i even have pictures of what i want mine to look like... i should be easy then, eh?)

it's nice to know that thirty seconds can screw me over permanently.

+
Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2006 - 8:48 pm
+ oh no, i said too much; i haven't said enough
watch, as i swallow my pride and go completely against my own personal beliefs and advise someone near and dear to me to do something i usually would never have them do in this situation... because i love them too much to say the truth.

...

i wanted to write, but i'm not sure what i can actually say for the general public at this point. i'm scared of saying too much.

i have my amp. only thing i need now is a strap, which i hope to pick up tomorrow afternoon or early evening. playing is a bit of therapy, even though i don't really know what i'm doing at this point. just have to figure out what chords elsbe's playing when she plays, and i can find a note in said chord and make up a bass line. because i'm just that cool.

::sigh::

and now i continue with my lies. joy.

+
Sunday, Apr. 02, 2006 - 11:49 pm
+ these days will never end
i love when spring starts actually springing instead of continuing with its previous wintering. it leads to things like being out of the house during the day, riding around at night, and open windows while in bed -whenever that shoudl actually occur.

three days in the past week have included the park, yesterday more than most others. i think we were there for a good three hours yesterday, drawing on the sidewalk and playing volleyball over it.
though i must say, i think i like the times when there's just me and elsbe there. easier to compromise on things, and generally when we go, the park's emptier 'cause all of the kids are still in school so we can act like kids without worrying too much about someone seeing us. including, of course, rolling down hills -not me though, as i was feeling as though i would upchuck if i did so that day...

..but this past week has been really, really fun.

then last night, i was kidnapped for a couple of hours to ride with julie through lawrence, linwood, and bonner. taco johns was had by all in lawrence, and it was the best taco johns i can actually remember now. windows were down the entire time with the radio up loud enough for the door speaker to be constantly vibrating my leg.

all in all, this past week has just been... awesome. i wish it could keep going so none of us really need to worry about what's to become of tomorrow, or the next day, or the next week, or the next few years. it's just been such an overall happy atmosphere...

+
Thursday, Mar. 30, 2006 - 9:28 pm
+ i am ironman
so... does anyone on my friends list happen to know how to play t3h b4ssn3ss, and are you willing to help a buddy out for fr33n3ss? 'cause i have the bass, i have the will... i just don't have the amp, cord, case, or ability yet.

though i will say, i can play smoke on the water, seven nation army, ironman, whatever else i tinker around with, and a bit of a bass line to twist and shout. it's not much at all, but goddamn, i'd assume that's a good start for not knowing the correct notes without thinking really hard about them.

i haven't updated in a bit. i knew that, i realized that, i just haven't really had anything to say, aside from playing around with my bass today. still haven't thought up a good name... thinking 'gimp' since it's a bit deformed at the bottom... almost looks melted on the back side. still plays good enough for me, though.

by the by, i'm apparently still a sex god due to the bass...

..but damn if i haven't gotten any emails or phone calls from willing participants.

+
Tuesday, Mar. 28, 2006 - 10:26 am
+ you're beautiful, it's true
this morning, i found out that i'm just as bad as any of the guys that i know.

case in pointe: very gorgeous woman passes in front of me, leaving that trail of the greatest perfume on the face of the earth, and my brain turns into oatmeal. also, the involuntarily drooling. i know i have no chance, i know that given the circumstances there will never be even a glimmer of hope for her and i, but i still walk into that trash can or miss the handle of that door, or just kinda stammer a bit as she walks by.

it's moments like those where i miss seeing a certain someone (any certain someone, heh..) walk through the door, and being able to just walk right up to her and kiss her then and there. i'm not sure what will fix that... i'm not sure it can be fixed.

why is it that the most romantic is always left to live alone?

+

+ why does distance make us wise +

last five
but here i am again, with nothing left inside - Thursday, May. 18, 2006
goodbye love, goodbye love - Wednesday, May. 17, 2006
love is a battlefield - Tuesday, May. 16, 2006
get in my car - Tuesday, May. 16, 2006
they rest - Monday, May. 15, 2006

friends
elsmerelda
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stargazntigr
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allinflames
btwnfriends
frozen-vodka
idiot-milk
taydo
liquid-mojo
kitchenwitch
my-will
rumblelizard
camera-girl
vlastir

listening to
+ seasons of love // rent
+ take me away (into the night) // 4 strings
+ these words (i love you, i love you) // natasha bedingfield
+ does the dj know // gone 'til november
+ thin thread // elyzium
+ the boys of summer // dj sammy
+ mr. brightside // the killers
+ to save yourself // 4th 'til morning
+ you'll think of me // keith urban
+ california // gone 'til november
+ illegal // shakira
+ on my way down // ryan cabrera
+ diving // 4 strings
+ heaven // dj sammy
+ dream a dream // captain jack
+ tango: maureen // rent
+ goodbye lullabye // gone 'til november
+ swing life away // rise against
+ lost my head // elyzium
+ semi charmed life // third eye blind
+ don't bother // shakira
navigation
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+

contact
+
e-mail
+ aol im
+ my myspace
+ notes

inspired by
+ star-layouts
+ made by me
good from 1024x768 up in ie

girl
+ landa; nineteen; lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college sophomore; creative writing major; taking a break from school.

loves
+ elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.

hates
+ boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.