Monday, Apr. 24, 2006 - 10:52 am
+ who'll stop the rain sometimes the strong are weak, the rich are poor, the ignorant are wise, the lovers find themselves alone...

i suppose spring is, at times, the time of year when we all feel a little bit down. it seems to follow closely with the rain, when the world loses so many of its colours to grays and browns with so few bright greens and reds and purples and yellows left until it decides to leave.

most everyone close to me is feeling it this year, even if just a little. if only to be able to do something more than sit here and watch it pour while other people of the world put up their umbrellas and avoid the downpour entirely.
where is mine? i think someone borrowed it last year, or the year before, or the year before that... i haven't seen it in so long, i don't remember. i wish i had it to lend out again, even if it meant i'd still get soaked.

one can only stay under an awning for so long before needing to leave it to run to that car, or slide across the street to that office, or drift off to that school building...

i'll be in the storm, waiting to help you through it.
until then, i'll sit here and watch the rain.

+
Sunday, Apr. 23, 2006 - 2:19 pm
+ i'm not okay so i just got home from my forty minutes at work... apparently spicy chicken and swiss sandwiches from quiktrip do me no good anymore. a manager saw me come out of the bathroom a second time in that forty minute timespan (i'd been in before work as well, so it was really three), and told me to just go home. i said i'd probably be better later on, but apparently if you get sick, you have to leave or something. thus, i am here.

'course, the fact that i was relatively upset when i got to work probably didn't help my nerves in this case... there was a bit of arguing before i left for work, and it didn't really get resolved all too well, so that probably had a hand in it.

oh well. i guess this makes it four days in row that i have off of work, so i suppose i can be thankful... though i believe i'll spend half of today in bed trying to not feel sick. it's not really SICK sick, more "i ate comething crappy" sick. i would have been fine by mid-shift.

le sigh. there goes almost sixty dollars.

+
Saturday, Apr. 22, 2006 - 11:35 pm
+ it starts with one fictionaldestiny: kill me.
mika the ninja: ?
fictionaldestiny: or something.
fictionaldestiny: ::holed up in bathroom::
fictionaldestiny: elsbe took me to and from work today,
fictionaldestiny: and today was opening day.
fictionaldestiny: it was relatively alright, i just need new shoes and socks. just have to suffer thru tomorrow though, and probably thurs fri this week.
mika the ninja: o.O?
fictionaldestiny: elsbe and aaron picked me up in his van (yes, he finally has a vehicle, put a tranny in his parent's van),
fictionaldestiny: and it's raining,
fictionaldestiny: which tells me their weekend plans are fucked up, since it's their anniversary, and they were gonna camp in his backyard.
fictionaldestiny: he didn't have a backup plan, so they immediately start fighting and then silence.
fictionaldestiny: and i'm just like "beautiful. first day of work, and i don't get to talk about it when elsbe tells me about all her fucking work days immediately, plus i've been working customer service for six hours blahblahblah i'm pissed now."
fictionaldestiny: so i'm irritated,
fictionaldestiny: and we're in my driveway while they fight about tonight and what they're gonna do now, and i refuse to move 'till i know if i can go to bed, 'cause i have another eight hour shift tomorrow.
fictionaldestiny: they fight, figure out they're not staying here, and elsbe comes in to get some stuff from her room,
fictionaldestiny: and then she starts semi-arguing with me and i'm like "goddammit fuck you."
mika the ninja: hahaha
fictionaldestiny: and then i'm all apologetic 'cause i'm so goddamn motherfucking sleepy, and i'm all huggy and clingy and "good god, please don't leave just yet ::CLING!::
fictionaldestiny: so then they go, after she lets me borrow some pjs 'cause my khakis have been rubbinb on the insides of my thighs all night and have rubbed them goddamn fucking raw (yes, i'm too fat. kthx)
fictionaldestiny: and then i talk to dad and ask if he'll take me to elsbe's tomorrow around noon so i can get her car,
fictionaldestiny: then we fight, which ends in him being quite pissed and deciding to go put money he doesn't have into my gas tank,
fictionaldestiny: and while we're fighting i'm just like "fuck everything. i'm going to the bathroom then i'm going to bed. just fuck it all. i just wanted to goddamn sleep."
fictionaldestiny: and he angrily leaves in my truck.
fictionaldestiny: see, all my gas money went in elsbe's car 'cause it'll actually fit in the parking out there (new place opening weekend of the whole place = bad for huge trucks),
fictionaldestiny: but her car's at her house, 'cause ehr plans changed, so i'm fucked.
fictionaldestiny: but he's putting money in the fucking truck anyway, which he doesn't need to fucking do, but he's fucking doing it and
fictionaldestiny: fuckity fuck fuck.
fictionaldestiny: ::dies::
fictionaldestiny: so i ran in here with my computer and cried.
fictionaldestiny: and i called elsbe,
fictionaldestiny: and she's all like "i hate to tell you this, this is gonna sound mean, but the first day is always the hardest. go to sleep, you'll feel better. i love you, goodnight."
fictionaldestiny: when i always fucking listen to what she has to say about work and when she cries over work and...
fictionaldestiny: QEPIU9RTHA;GJNQEIROPUGQP9ERQNE;IRHG
fictionaldestiny: ^ how i feel...
fictionaldestiny: so i feel like i ruined her weekend with aaron even more.
fictionaldestiny: plus dad's pissy,
fictionaldestiny: and i'm jsut fucking tired.
fictionaldestiny: i'm tired, but i'm not sleepy.
fictionaldestiny: so i'll be up 'till at least goddamn one.
fictionaldestiny: and i just wanna rant or talk to someone or watch a movie or play kingdom hearts or something... but everyone's basically turned it into one of those accidental bad nights that actually started out rather good.
fictionaldestiny: [end]

+
Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006 - 4:11 pm
+ when you're down i've decided i don't really like the whole go to work for three hours to read a training book and take a couple of quizzes over it and then leave thing. it's actually quite annoying, because i'm positive i should have some floor experience by now, and i barely know where anything really is... certain sections are arranged alphabetically, others are arranged alphabetically by author, magazines are just overwhelming, i read the cafe training book today, i don't know how to do register... and we open on saturday. plus, i have no idea when i'm to be there tomorrow -a problem easily solved if i can catch laura for a minute when i get there, but still a problem.

i've decided that i might not like it there after all. if something comes along with better pay, you bet i'll be jumping right upon that.

yeah, yeah, it's a paycheck that i wasn't getting before and it's not like it's "too effing hard" or anything like that, but this is just sad. i still wasn't in the system to clock in/out when i left on tuesday, so here's hoping i am when i get there today. grr.

oh, by the way, i got a copy of the background check they did on me. i apparently have no background. yey?

+
Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006 - 10:09 pm
+ can you take it all away and while elsbe and aaron go in the back of the house and fight until the end of time, while rue sits in the living room waiting for them to be ready to go since he's counting on her for a ride, while amanda sticks around for what seems to be purely our of courtesy...

..ellen degeneres makes me very happy inside. i got the box set of my two favourite standup acts -aside from robin williams back on broadway- both ellen, with the extra money i had when i went to get things for work the other day, and we're watching the first one.

god, i wish i could either take away all of their problems so they can be happy together once and for all... or find a way for them to be happy without each other.

+

+ why does distance make us wise +