Tuesday, May. 16, 2006 - 10:40 pm
+ love is a battlefield me: love makes you people retarded.
me: and i can say that knowing that you don't take extreme offense.
me: she'd (likely) kill me.
shannon: lmao
shannon: that's one of the funniest things i've heard in a long time
me: what, because it's true, or not?
shannon: because it's true and well put, lmao
shannon: as only you could say it
this is also discussed in megatokyo from yesterday.
i find it to be true. i watch friends start loving someone, and it's like something starts eating their brain cells. they lose all reason and clarity of thought, only to be replaced with pure hope and blind devotion.
shannon: it's a harrowing and rewarding experience
shannon: the greatest and most terrible in your life
me: and though there was once a time when i looked forward to it as though my life depended upon it, i now wish that the day should never come. because i don't want to lose reason and clarity.
..among other things.
she claims that if you fall so far in love, you won't be able to see your way out. and i have an easy solution to that:
don't do it.
call me jaded, or even just left out... but love, to me, seems more like a burden than anything good anymore. you put all of your time and energy into this one person, and then one day they say (or even you say) that they don't love you anymore... and it all falls apart. and if that doesn't happen, they die or go away with no rhyme or reason, and don't let you in on anything and you wake up one day and they're just... gone, one way or another.
love's a battlefield, and we are merely its army.
i choose to take an unhonorable discharge. i don't want that kind of heartache... i don't want to be that blinded... i don't want to be that far gone from the person that i am now. love changes you, and i don't want that anymore.
+ alright, i'm going to say this right now, even though it's basically stated later on in this entry as well. this car is going to be an investment for the future, not necessarily a "point a to point b, get around for the time being" type of thing. i don't have and likely won't have the money to get another car again in the relative near future... so this car's gonna be it for the next decade or so. basically, after the weekend of july twenty second, i'm going to start caving for a car. after that will come college... but the way i see it, i need a reliable way to get to and from said school before i get to said school, not to mention to and from work. i'll also likely end up the road trip car, should one ever happen, so i'm planning for friends and such as well. here goes: PONTIAC GRAND AM or GRAND PRIX PREFER TO HAVE: * there's a site that does custom pontiac leatherette seat covers. they're not cheap, but if i'm paying for a car, it's gonna be MY car, and i'm gonna baby it the way i want to. <b>deb:</b> dude just get something that runs i'm looking at getting something that will last a long time that's what i actually want. what i have now is something that will run until it dies... and that i can't afford to fix up, or i would. i figure if i'm gonna save up to fix up the truck... i may as well get a new car instead. because a steering column on a truck isn't cheap, plus the sound system that was completely wiped out. it needs body work due to rust, a new bumper, a new paint job, and the heat + a/c needs a bit of work -or at least the little panel on the inside does, as i can't change it to and from very easily and often arrive where i'm going before it changes over. the way i see it, dad's always going to keep that truck as far as i know, and when i get a new car, he'll be the one to fix it back up again when it's possible and when he's ready. it's been discussed a couple of times, the truck is staying. i will indeed help when i make enough money to do so, as it is and always will be mom's truck, but it's not going to be mine to fix as it's mainly things that happen over time that are wrong with it anyway -well, aside from the ding in the bumper. i need something that will be reliable, and that i'm not going to have to worry about someone easily stealing... that's not going to need maintainence all the time, and that will last a long time. i like the style of grand am/grand prix, and i haven't heard too much bad of them. they're under $15,000 from the ones i've looked up in the area, most of them around $10-12,000... so i won't be broke, it'll just take a little while to pay off. basically, i'm going to get a very good running/reliable car, and make it my own with various relatively inexpensive customizations. it won't happen all at once or anything, it'll be over the course of time, but it'll be MY car. say the seat covers, if i don't find one with leather seats. those are two hundered dollars for a set, andother two hundered for the back seat. i figure that would be the first thing bought, and would likely come from the money i save for a down payment. leather seats look cleaner and are easier to maintain, and that's what i'm going with. same goes for a steering wheel cover, if the wheel isn't leather or something like it. the sound system would come next, though from what i've seen/heard from newer cars, i'm sure it'll be fine without any work. i might buy my own cd player for the car instead of using a factory model if nothing, as i like removable face plates... especially since someone stole my truck's stereo and could actually USE it since i'd left the faceplate in there. anyway, those are my thoughts right now. more to come on that weekend later on, just wanted to get this someplace where i'll see it later on.
+ ..no really, i've been busy. haven't been home while awake, and when i have been here consciously, i've been getting some stuff done. though most of the time, voluntarily... i've learned that actually doing things makes the time pass faster. like at work when i'm on customer service, it feels like an entire day -at the end of my shift today, i spent three hours in the children's section straightening everything up, and it went by much faster. i liked it. i like actually working. as it is, i was going to go to bed early tonight. looks like that didn't happen. i started looking some stuff up for the weekend between my birthday and elsbe's, and i shall elaborate on that when plans are certain. i'm off work from thursday to monday both the week of my birthday and the week after, i hope. wrote out of town next to my name for each day, shouldn't be too much of an issue in getting off. and i'm freezing my ass off. bedtime now.
+ i'm not too sure how i feel about this right now. i'll allegedly hear from said person in the next few days again, though i'm honestly not too sure that i actually will given the past few months... i'm not holding my breath too much... ..but god, i hope i hear back this time.
+ go watch this, becauuse i'm sure you have someone waiting for you too. ..there's going to be a cat pile when i die.
+
+ why does distance make us wise +
Tuesday, May. 16, 2006 - 8:39 pm
+ get in my car
MUST HAVE/BE:
1998 - 2004
cd player
possible cd/cassette combo
v6 engine
four doors
working a/c and heat
automatic transmission
power windows/locks
- keyless entry?
security system
onstar
- the one that emails diagnostics once a month, so i can keep track of everything without always asking dad
black in colour
grey interior
leather seats? (or seat covers from *that site i found)
- easiest to maintain
- looks the cleanest
(i.e. incredible sound system + all the little features and things i'd ever wanted to add to a car that was my own.)
my answer to this: i have that right now.
..yes, a cd player with removable faceplate is a priority after the leather seats.
Monday, May. 15, 2006 - 1:35 am
+ they rest i died.
Wednesday, May. 10, 2006 - 11:36 am
+ you make a woman go mad i heard from someone yesterday who i wasn't sure i'd ever hear from again. hadn't heard for a very long time now. i checked back, and my diary was quoted back to me from back in february... that counts for something, eh?
Tuesday, May. 09, 2006 - 5:11 pm
+ even in death my love goes on elsbe just watched this and read it out loud to me, and i totally started bawling. and i'm still crying, as i need to go change pants to leave.
