Sunday, May. 28, 2006 - 1:41 am
+ 'till now so while i was at work today, everyone i know was at or was on the way to a party where they were having fun and getting drunk.
yeah, i was at work 'till nearly midnight... and i have to be back at noon tomorrow.
still annoyed by that. wish i could be drunk...
apparently there's a weekend coming up where i'll be off saturday and sunday. totally partying my ass off... or at least finding some way or another to have fun.
i'd be more interesting, but i'm so tired right now... more tomorrow, i guess. g'night.
+ dancing alone again... i bought myself a new teddy bear tonight. ..because i need snuggles and hugs really, really badly right now, and i don't know why, and i've been on the verge of tears since about ten thirty. haven't named it yet, not sure if it'll be a boy or a girl at this point... yanno, there's just some days when i come home and go to that empty bed, knowing that i'll be alone there with whatever stuffed animal i've chosen for the night (generally elbe, as she's the perfect size)... and i wish that it weren't so lonely. i wish that i had even a friend in there with me... elsbe, for example, as she's proven the only one who's open to sharing a bed and not being scared of ::gasp:: touching each other (in general) or maybe snuggling a little bit.
+ ..where's the landa love? i need some too...
+ had a great night last night, though. what's fun is elsbe left around eleven, and everyone stuck around 'till one thirty. that never effing happens. ever. it was fun, we watched robin hood men in tights, and then after elsbe left we all watched empire records and talked and laughed and had a good time and... yeah. it was great. ..i've been feeling a million different kinds of off lately, and i'm not sure why. i wish i knew so i could fix it, 'cause i sure as hell can't if i don't know what it is i'm working on.
+ ... is it bad that i know already that i will have no willpower to do anything tomorrow? that i know i won't want to get out of bed, and the only thing i'll want to do is get my laundry done so i can have clean work clothes on thursday... as well as possibly making myself some food at some point in the day? basically, dad and elsbe have both said tonight that they don't want me around or want me around less, in some form or another. in elsbe's case, it's not harsh at all... more a "hey i'm stressed, back off" sort of thing, which i can handle. dad? yeah. dickish. that sandwich and tea never happened. goodnight.
+
+ why does distance make us wise +
Saturday, May. 27, 2006 - 3:11 am
+ all that i need are some simple loving words
..again the rain .f.a.l.l.i.n.g.
only the scent of you remains
to dance with me
nobody showed me
how to return the love you give to me
mom never holds me
dad loves a stranger more than me
i NEVER wanted
to EVER b.r.i.n.g you d.o.w.n
all that i need
are some simple. loving. words.
you touched my body once
it burns me still softly
never forgets never again will be
i cry
out of my head
and i don't know what i found
over and over
i feel it break me down
on the sidewalk of the city
are my screams just a whisper
busy people going nowhere
see me soak. in. the. rain.
no compassion nothing matters
my resistance is waiting
like a flower in the basement
waiting for a lonely death
out of my head
and i don't know what i found
over and over
i feel it break me down
on the sidewalk of the city
are my screams just a whisper
busy people going nowhere
see me soak. in. the. rain.
no compassion nothing matters
my resistance is waiting
like a flower in the basement
waiting for a lonely death
your rain // akira yamaoka
Thursday, May. 25, 2006 - 5:09 pm
+ where is the love? amongst all of the couples and the coupley things that have been coming about -hell, dad has a girlfriend thing in japan... which i'm totally not ready for...
Thursday, May. 25, 2006 - 4:51 pm
+ a letter to my future self so i was suposed to work today, but i felt sick this morning. thus i was in elsbe's car while she was at aaron's grad breakfast reading narnia since it was the closest thing to me to read and it was too hot to nap. came home, spent a total of an hour and a half in the restroom, ate a couple slices of bread, drank some sprite, and took a nap... and i'm feeling much better, but still a little sick. not nearly as bad as i could be.
Wednesday, May. 24, 2006 - 3:33 am
+ this truth drives me into madness thunderstorms make me long for the past like you wouldn't believe.
..both of them in the same night within an hour of each other? enough to leave me crying a while in my room.
